


One in 7,468,638,000 (And counting!)

by Cyane (orphan_account)



Category: Leafyishere (YouTube RPF), PewDiePie (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Christmas, December Fanfic Challenge, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Past Child Abuse, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 05:50:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8737309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Cyane
Summary: December 3/31: mirror mirror (polar opposites)It's Christmas and Calvin can't help but see the differences between him and Felix.





	

_"It's Christmas, bros., and that means it's time for shitty vlogs, videos about opening presents, and celebrating. If you celebrate Christmas."_

Calvin snorted and turned the volume up.

_"Also we're celebrating fifty million subscribers, which is fucking insane. We're gonna be halfway to a hundred million. That's absolutely crazy. The support on recent videos- everything just going great and I'm so happy with the content going out there. I think for the most part, you guys like it too."_

Calvin stopped the video. There was another more recent vlog Felix had put up that morning. 

It was Christmas.

_"Merry Christmas bros. my name is Pewdiepie~ and this is another horrible vlog. We've got Marzia over here, and Ken and Cry are coming over later. In fact Mark and Jack said they might be able to after they're done doing whatever they're doing." Felix leaned into the camera and whispered, "which is definitely fucking."_

In the video, streamers, lights, the Christmas tree, everything was extremely visible. They had ugly Christmas jumpers on and Marzia was making some sort of dessert. 

They had games and candles and elaborate decorations. Stacks of gifts for everyone coming. 

Calvin couldn't help it. He paused the video and looked around at his shit apartment. 

It was Christmas morning, but until he had seen the explosion of 'CHRISTMAS!' On Twitter and YouTube, he had completely forgotten.

Not forgotten Christmas, just forgotten that it was _today_. 

So he had blankets covering up the window light, he was staring at his bright computer screen in the dark.

Alone.

He didn't have decorations because first of all: he was fucking poor, and secondly because he didn't fucking need them. Nobody else was coming over, nobody else would appriciate them.

He had gotten a letter- a fucking letter- from his parents earlier, telling him they hoped he had a nice Christmas and he was doing okay. They said they were going through rehab- or at least thinking about it.

It sounded so unattached, though.

He couldn't think about them. The last time he spent Christmas with his family, his dad was beating him and his mom into the freezing, icy floor, everyone was high, and he woke up in the hospital. 

It seemed wrong that after the years, they send him a holiday card.

He hated them. Even his mom, because she was the one who kept him on drugs, she was the one who lied to the police. 

Christmas didn't have good memories attached to it.

Besides, nowadays, he didn't have anyone to celebrate it with. He had only had one real friend, and that had been Keem, however many years ago that was. And now look at them. He thought Keem was literal fucking cancer and Keem was literal fucking cancer.

He was fine with that until he saw Felix.

Of course they were polar opposites. In every goddamn way possible.

But he had a _family_ of friends. He looked so happy. And suddenly Calvin didn't feel so fine, he felt the growing pit of jealousy.

He just felt so fucking lonely.

He hadn't slept in two days, slept properly in eight years, eaten anything in the last four days besides three RedBulls and a Monster energy drink.

Felix had a girlfriend who was making some expensive dessert. 

This wouldn't even be bad if Felix hadn't showed up on his birthday, just a few months ago. Pretending like they were friends or something, like they were equals.

Calvin hated feeling like he was the poor one. Like he was just some depressed fucking teenager who-

Ugh.

He just wanted Felix's life.

Instead he had a shitty past, an unhealthy present, and a pretty damn bleak future. 

There was a ring as notifications from Twitter came streaming in. 

One read, "please do a Christmas video leafy! I live for your content!:)))"

Well.

Fuck.

He might not have Felix's 50 million subscribers, but he did have his own that deserved a goddamn video. So he practiced faking a somewhat pleasant expression and got recording.

He may not be Felix, maybe he would never be Pewdiepie, but he couldn't change that. 

All Calvin could be was himself.

Maybe that was okay. Maybe not. But it was all that he had.


End file.
